March 2nd, 2019


Three Words.

I've always thought that when you're going to say 'I love you' you should really mean it. It's not something that should be taken lightly and not a few words to throw around carelessly. It means a lot. But it's also one of those things that doesn't really have a definition as such. Only people's different opinions to what they thought 'love' felt like or feels.

I guess to me, love means everything. It's not that I just like you, or really like you. It's that you're my favourite. I can't pick out anything bad and I can't say there's anything I dislike. I like everything about you and I like it more than I like anything else in the world. It's also a sense of need in that I don't feel like I just want to be around you, I feel like I need to be. If I don't have you in my life then I couldn't possibly be happy.

Just like anything else the more you say it the more it loses it's meaning and it's hard to get the real point across. I was almost scared to say it before because I never knew what the reaction would be. But that meant that when I did say it it felt like a big deal. I mean it. I love you.
That's changed. I don't feel scared to tell you anymore and I tell you more than once a day. But the thing is that it doesn't mean any less than it did before. But it seems to feel like it sometimes. When it's out of nowhere and I say I love you, that's no different to me being an emotional wreck, tears falling and saying I love you. One might seem more meaningful but I love you just as much in both moments. You're everything to me all the time and you're all I want all the time.
I'm already rambling but I think all I really want to say in this is don't ever think I'm saying it just for the sake of saying it. Don't take it as a throwaway comment because it's actually coming from the heart every time.
So from now on every time I say I love you; every fucking time, I want you to think of this.

I think you're beautiful.
You're smart.
You're funny.
You're kind.
You're thoughtful.
I love how you don't take things for granted and appreciate what you have.
I love how you are able to relate to me and how I'm feeling. Even when I'm struggling to get my point across.
I love how you genuinely care and you really are interested in what I'm thinking or what I have to say.
I love how you're always honest with me and won't ever hold things back.
I love that I can relate to you with so many things in life.
I love that I don't ever feel like I have to figure things out or read between the lines. I know what you mean and I understand how you're feeling.
I love that I can tell you anything. I don't ever have to worry about anything with you.
I love that I can rely on you. You'll be there if I really need you.
I think you're the most amazing human on this planet.
I think you can achieve whatever you want to. You easily have the ability to.
I think you deserve nothing but the best. You should only ever be happy and I want to do as much as I can to make sure that's the case.
You're everything to me.

I don't feel like that about anybody else and I don't think I've ever quite felt like that about anyone else because all of the statements above relate to you only. They're not applicable to anybody else I know. You've always been completely unique and held your own special place in my head and my heart and you're always going to. Even if for some stupid reason we were to stop talking and maybe never spoke again, I would not be able to forget you and there will always be a part of me that wonders about you and wants you.

No matter what's going on, what thoughts are going through your head or how you're feeling. Remember that I will always love you, Kristi.